Bill's Brain - Chain Letter

WITH ENOUGH CASH ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

This paper has been sent to you for good luck. The original has been discarded. It has been around the world nine times, to the moon twice, and has earned enough frequent flier miles for 27 free round trips anywhere in North America, or 18 round trips to Hawaii. The luck has now been sent to you. You will receive good luck (or a certificate good for luck, redeemable at your local grocer) within 4 days, 9 hours and 37 minutes of receiving this letter provided you in turn send it on!

This is no joke! A hoax, perhaps, but no joke. You will receive good luck in the mail, in the form of a small, brown package marked "DANGER: Explosives." Send no money, checks, or nude photos of yourself. Send copies to people you think need good luck, or a good laugh. Do not send money, as fate has no price, and even if it did, you wouldn't be able to afford it. Do not keep this letter. It must leave your hands within 95.4236 hours.

An RAF officer received $470,000. A waiter received a $6.72 tip on a $23.28 bill. A football player received a sharp blow to the ribs and was sidelined for the rest of the season. Some other guy received a silly chain letter in the mail. Joe Elliot received $40,000 and lost it because he broke the chain. Henry Chase misplaced his car keys because he's just plain stupid. While in the Philippines, Gene Wetch lost his wife six days after receiving this letter. Of course, he didn't mind at all, because he was having a passionate affair with his secretary at the time, and she was much more attractive (and ten years younger) than his wife. He had failed to circulate this letter. However, before her death, he had received $7,755,000. With all that money, he and his secretary are now living it up on their own private island in the Bahamas.

Please send 20 copies of this letter and see what happens in 4 days. If that doesn't work, send 40 copies of this letter and see what happens in 8 days. If that doesn't work, send 80 more copies right away, and you'll see that you've spent a hell of a lot on postage in just 13 days! The chain comes from Venezuela and was written by Saul Anthony, a dung farmer from South America. Since the letter must tour the world, you must make 20 copies and send them to friends, associates, or people you don't even know. After a few days, you will get a surprise! Or maybe you will get nothing. But you can pretend, OK? And this is true even if you are not superstitious.

Do note the following: Constantine Dias received the chain in 1982. He asked his secretary to make 20 copies and send them out. He then asked her to bring him a cup of coffee. She said "Screw you, you can get your own coffee," but she did send out the letters. A few days later he won a lottery of $2 million. A few days after that he slammed his finger in the car door and it swelled up real bad. Carlo Daditt, an office employee, received it and forgot it had to leave his hands within 95.4236 hours. He lost his job. Then the grocery store was out of the only brand of hot dog that he had a coupon for. Then some guy on the freeway changed lanes in front of him without signaling. Then he dropped the soap while he was showering. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed 20 copies. A few days later, he got a better job, but people still cut him off on the freeway. Dalan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw it away. Nine days later he developed a nasty hangnail that just wouldn't go away.

In 1987, the letter was received by a young woman in California, but had become very faded and barely readable. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with various problems, including expensive car repairs, a broken nail, a perm that drooped, moldy bread, a run in her hose, dead batteries in her TV remote, and monthly ovulations that began at puberty and did not end until middle age. The letter did not leave her hands in 95.4236 hours. Then she finally retyped the letter as promised, and got a new car. Of course she had to get a new car, because her old piece of crap was beyond repair, but that's not important.

Remember, send no money. Do not ignore this.

Hey Jude, it works.