A Guide to Business Travel Expenses
It seems that at some point in time every
company experiences a slowdown in business which causes management to begin scrutinizing
expenses and looking for ways to cut costs. Inevitably the subject of travel expenses
comes up, and inevitably people who have never experienced the "joy" of business
travel suggest all kinds of ways that travel can be made more affordable, and more
grueling. As someone who has both traveled extensively and endured corporate scrutiny of
travel costs, I took it upon myself to write this handy guide to business travel expenses
for the benefit of those who do not travel.
Introduction
When it comes to business travel there are
generally two different kinds of people; those who do it and those who don't. Likewise,
there are those who are intimately familiar with the nature of business travel expenses,
while others who do not travel extensively may not understand the importance of these
expenditures. This guide is intended to clarify the purpose of these expenses while
serving as a handy reference for frequent business travelers.
Frequently
Incurred Business Travel Expenses
1. Airline ticket
Used to go from point A (where there may be no business) to point B (where there is
most certainly business) when points A and B are very far apart. Much faster than driving,
walking or taking a boat, and thus allows more time for doing business in either place A
or B. In some cases, such as when business must be conducted overseas, the business person
must spend long periods of time in the aircraft and when this happens, comfort becomes an
issue. It is a well known fact that the business person's state of mind upon arrival in
the foreign country has a major impact on their conduction of business, and no one is
likely to want to do business with someone who is cranky, has severe leg cramps or who
keeps disrupting the meeting by making a loud "thud" sound when they fall asleep
and their head hits the table because they were not able to obtain sufficient rest during
their flight. In some cases, the business person may even refuse to embark on these
journeys if they cannot fly in business class (they are, after all, on business) and this
will most certainly impede the progress of business. So, a company which attempts to
economize by forcing the business person to fly in coach or luggage class for long periods
of time may find itself in a worse overall financial position due to the negative impact
that this may have on business.
2. Taxi
Used to get from point A to point B when points A and B are not that far apart.
Much faster and less physically demanding than walking and thus prevents exhaustion (which
can make the conducting of business difficult) and allows more time for doing business in
either place A or B. The use of a taxi is almost always preferable to stealing a vehicle
as it has been demonstrated that charges of Grand Theft Auto, when brought against the
business person involved, can result in the loss of business. It should also be noted that
when traveling in certain underdeveloped countries there may be less expensive
alternatives to the use of a taxi, such as mule trains, horses, or just hanging onto the
back of a speeding bus. The cost conscious business person will see these alternatives as
an opportunity to experience the local culture firsthand while at the same time saving the
company money.
3. Rental car
Used to get from point A to point B much in the same manner as a taxi, but
preferred over a taxi when business must be conducted in several different locations, all
of which are reasonably close together, or when business necessitates repeated or frequent
travel between two or more places of reasonable proximity over the course of several days
and possibly a week or more. As with a taxi, much faster and less physically demanding
than walking, thus allowing more time and energy to be devoted to business.
4. Parking fee
Usually incurred in conjunction with a rental car (see above). This fee covers the
parking of said car while some business activity, for which the car is not required, is
being pursued. The use of parking facilities and payment of this fee occur whenever it is
judged to be more beneficial to the continued conduction of business than other
alternatives such as illegally parking the vehicle and possibly facing a traffic citation
and towing charges, or simply abandoning the vehicle in a bad part of town and claiming
that it has been stolen.
5. Hotel room
This expense will likely be incurred when business must be conducted for more than
one day in any location that is not reasonably close to the area of permanent residency of
the person conducting the business. The hotel room provides a location for the temporary
storage of any luggage brought along by the business person (thus eliminating the need to
repeatedly pack and unpack said luggage and carry it to the location of the business
activity, thus allowing more time and energy for the conduction of business), a place for
the business person to sleep (thus preventing physical exhaustion, which could make the
conduction of business difficult or impossible), toilet facilities (thus eliminating the
need for the business person to "hold it," sneak behind the bushes, take their
chances at local gas stations, etc. any of which might potentially have a negative impact
on the successful completion of business), and some sort of shower or bath facilities
(these can increase the chances of business success by eliminating potentially offensive
body odor).
In addition to the expense of the hotel
room itself there may be other related expenses, such as the following.
a) Laundry - Eliminates the need for the
business person to carry enough clean clothes for each day of the trip, which, depending
on the extent of the business person's wardrobe and the size of their suitcase, might
limit the length of the trip and thus the amount of business that could be conducted on
the trip, and also provides the business person with good looking, clean smelling
clothing. This freshly washed clothing will directly contribute to the business person's
appearance, and several studies have shown that many times business success is directly
related to appearance.
b) Telephone calls - The telephone is often
used when a person needs to discuss business with another person who is not in the same
room. This mode of communication is almost always faster and more convenient than other
available forms such as facsimiles, telexes, letters, telegraphs, skywriting or smoke
signals, the latter of which would require the starting of a fire and thus might lead to
the arrest of the business person on charges of arson with subsequent internment in a
local jail, where, of course, the business person would be allowed to make one phone call
which could conceivably be used for a business purpose. While this may seem like a viable
option to some, it should be noted that once the initial business contact has been made
(via the one allowed phone call) subsequent followup calls or visits are highly unlikely
unless bail is posted or parole is granted.
c) Minibar charges - Often a business
person may require food or beverages (for a thorough discussion of these items please see
the "meals" and "entertainment" sections of this guide) and will
subsequently make use of the hotel minibar for the procurement of these consumables. The
cost of any item removed from the minibar will be higher than the cost of an identical or
similar item purchased in most typical retail environments, so why chose the minibar over
a trip to the local grocer? There are many possible reasons but convenience is often a
major factor. The minibar can be the source of a fast, light breakfast and thus allow the
business person to sleep in later, giving them more energy for conducting business and
allowing them to start work on business sooner. If the business person has just stepped
from the shower and desires an immediate snack, use of the minibar is often preferable to
running about the hotel and/or the local neighborhood while naked and dripping wet in
search of an appropriate vendor. Use of the minibar in this situation can once again allow
the business person more time and energy for the conduction of business while avoiding
arrests for indecent exposure, which would most surely impede the progress of business.
The minibar can also be a viable option late at night, when it prevents the business
person from being forced to wander the streets of strange cities in the darkness searching
for a 24 hour grocery store, where the business person might be mugged, murdered, or
worse. Of course the death of the business person would most certainly impair their
ability to conduct business, so this should be avoided if possible.
d) Tips - When appropriate, tips are
sometimes given by the business person to show appreciation for services rendered. An
example of this would be the tipping of a hotel bellboy for delivering the business
person's suitcase to the room. This prevents the bellboy from thinking that the business
person is a cheap bastard, which would reflect poorly on the company and which could be
extremely unfortunate if the bellboy were to ever become the head of a large corporation
and the business person were to do business with him in the future.
6. Meals
It is a fact that many assorted nutrients are necessary for the maintenance of
human life, and food happens to be an excellent and tasty source of these nutrients.
Stated another way, if the business person does not eat they will starve to death. Several
scientific studies have shown that a dead business person is wholly incapable of
conducting business, unless of course they happen to be in casket sales, in which case
they can function as a convincing display model for at least a couple of weeks until they
begin to smell too badly. In all other situations, experts agree that the cost of food,
when weighed against the potential loss of business due to the starvation of a business
person, is indeed a small price to pay. It should be noted that it may not always be clear
as to whether the cost of the item served should be considered a "meals" expense
or an "entertainment" expense. This is often the case when traveling in the Far
East where the items served are not always fully cooked (or even fully dead) and may
provide the business person with several minutes of amusement prior to their consumption.
The wise business person should also know that certain socially retarded areas (such as
Chicago) have a local "amusement tax," so when ordering any potentially amusing
menu item in these areas it is important to not so much as crack a smile, lest this hefty
tax be levied against the cost of the meal. This will save the company money, thus leaving
more to invest in business. As for the "meals" or "entertainment"
question, it seems safe to consider anything that is ultimately eaten as a
"meal." It should also be noted that while the company appreciates every effort
to save them money, cannibalism is not recommended unless business is being conducted
while stranded on a deserted island, and in this case victims should be selected in order
of ascending seniority.
7. Entertainment
Entertainment can take many forms, but is usually limited to movies, nightclubs or
just drinks with business associates. Studies have shown that such entertainment, when
indulged in moderation, can provide a beneficial break from business and can even
contribute to the positive mental attitude of the business person. Few would argue that a
happy, positive business person is more effective at conducting business, and thus a
strong case can be made that periodic entertainment expenses are justifiable, and perhaps
even necessary. Clearly, the alternative of forcing the business person to sit in their
hotel room (see item #5, above) every night watching Green Acres or Hogan's Heroes reruns
(or worse yet, old John Wayne movies with the dialog overdubbed in Swahili) while making
little animals out of paper clips or launching M&M's across the room with their toe
nail clippers, is not attractive. For these reasons wise companies view entertainment
expenses as a necessary part of a successful business program. |
